she says
by gallaghergrl
Summary: "and when she says she wants someone to love i hope you know she doesn't mean you" CamXMassie /:the rest of the world be damned, they're black and white tainting each other beautiful shades of gray:/


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><p><strong>"She Says"<strong>  
><em>-Howie Day-<em>  
>{so many words that only a lover can understand}<p>

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><p><em>Sweet is the sight<br>Of her room  
>Window opened by candlelight<em>

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><p>Massie stands there staring down at Cam as he lies on her bed in rumpled clothes. She's waving slightly to the breeze that slips in through white cotton curtains, her hips swaying and there is no music except for the sounds of night. And there's only a glimmer of light, but green and blue eyes stare at the beauty in a white night gown that's dancing.<p>

Derrick will never know these moments.

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><p><strong><br>**_How would you know  
>Cold winter on the shore<br>Chills the dress she wore  
>It's on the floor<br>Still it feels so warm today_

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><p>Leaning against the porch painted white and chipping off with curls that tumble down her back as she watches the sunset. That image will never leave him. Her there in nothing but his too big sweatshirt her own dress abandoned on the cold floor.<p>

The December frost threatens to freeze them both, but they're still warm from the memories of moments before of them. The Fisher beach house isn't as magnificent as the multitude of houses Massie's family owns. It's worn down and creaky but she loves it more then any other, and that's why Cam takes her in the middle of winter every year when her inner cold starts to freeze her heart. So this way she can steal the warmth of the things she loves and last a little longer. His breaths make little white puffs in the air as he wraps his arms around her and places a kiss on her temple and gives her just a little more warmth.

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><p><em>And that's why I'm wondering why<br>You had to tell me  
>What's going on in your head<br>What's wrong  
>Come around to another time when you<br>Don't have to run_

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><p>"Back off man. I get that you two are best friends or shit. But Massie is my girl. We're dating. Keep some fricking boundaries."<p>

Derrick's eyes are hard and his voice is just slightly raised as he glares at Cam angrily after pulling Massie out of the raven-haired boy's arms and sending her to sit in the car.

"Cuddling my girlfriend is a dick move. Keep your one sides obsession to yourself, and don't make passes at her. Massie's too innocent to know what you're playing at."

Cam wants to laugh at how idiotic the angered boyfriend is, but instead he just looks up from the couch and stares a little. After a few moments he final says, "She's not innocent, she's tainted. _Tainted by me_."

He doesn't even blink when Derrick's first collides with his face and leaves a nasty bruise on his right cheek. It stings and hurts like hell, but he knew it was coming.

The dirty blonde soccer goalie spits on the ground before turning to walk away, but not before Cam calls out to him again.

"And I'm tainted, tainted by her. And you already can see it, and that's why you're so scared of us.

Derrick responses by slamming the door hard enough to rattle the frame and storming off to the car where the amber eye girl has been waiting.

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><p><em>And when she said she wants somebody else<em>  
><em>I hope you know that's she doesn't mean you<em>

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><p>Derrick leaves to get drinks, while Massie waits perched on the edge of a seat when Danny Robbins shuffles over and starts to hit on her. Cam watches from his corner of the party, not worried at all. Even when Danny places his arm on her shoulder and makes lewd suggestion to visit an upstairs bathroom.<p>

Harrington comes back in time to hear the remark and looks ready to punch the lights out of the guy except brunette girl simply stands and pull herself out of Robbins's grip before saying that she wants someone else.

Proudly grinning Derrick puts an arm around her, but amber eyes look past a crowd of people and connect with green and blue ones, and Cam smirks back at her deep gaze, because he always knows that it's him she talks about at moments like this.

The things Derrick doesn't see because of his self inflicted blindness.

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><p><em>And when she breaks down and makes a sound<em>  
><em>You'll never hear her the way that I do<em>

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><p>It's another big party, a huge yard party with a pool and hot tubs and lots of beer that was questionably obtained. And making what's suppose to be a picture perfect scene Massie has her head on Derrick's tan shoulder and her bikini clad body curled up against his muscular chest as they sit on the front lawn. And it all looks so pretty. Cam's even talking to Nikki Dalton, a brunette with startaling azure eyes and adorable freckles next to the beer keg when happens.<p>

A loud honk followed by squealing tires, and loud yells before the sound of an engine struggling and a car losing control. The driver barely misses another coming car and ends up only slamming into a mailbox. It doesn't look deadly, minimal damage even. The collected signs are let out of relief from the frozen on-lookers who were so paralyzed they could only watch. But right after a piecing scream followed by loud sobs pierce the relative silence.

And all of a sudden Cam is pushing past body, shoving everyone aside, and before Derrick can ever make a move to comfort the girl who's pushed herself away from the so called boyfriend's body and is curling up in a ball, Cam's there. He's there, and his arms are around Massie. And even in the middle of so many people it's only them.

Her cries and his whispers. The way he's smoothing her hair down, and rocking her tiny body, and the name she keeps screaming out.

_"Todd!"_

It's such a desperate heart breaking sound she's making. And no one but Cam can understand it. No one but him can stop it. Can bring her to slowly simmer down to hiccupping shaky breaths. One calloused hand slowly wipes her tears stained cheeks.

No one but Cam knows what to say to her.

"He's not here Massie. He's not here. Todd's gone, he's gone. But I'm here Mass, I'm always here."

Cam wonders why Derrick even bothers. No one can be with Massie the way he can.

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><p><em>And when she says she wants someone to love<em>  
><em>I hope you know that she doesn't mean you<em>

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><p>Derrick isn't an idiot. He knows that love is a big deal and that's it's reserved for only the most special of people. He can't say he's positive he loves Massie but he's close as he's ever been.<p>

Derrick's never even asked her what she thought about love.

So they aren't the type of couple to say _"I love you"_ freely, or ever really. Some people at school think that's a sign somehow of how seriously the two take their relationship. But Cam knows better. He knows why Massie never says those three worlds.

It's because she'll only ever say they to him. Whispers in the middle on the night, breathy giggles during daytime trips, drunken mumbles, and sober moments of intensity. She'll say them over and over to him, and he'll say them back with a firm kiss.

In this world there is only Massie&Cam, and then everyone else.

And Cam knows why Derrick never even bothers to say the words or try to get them out of Massie. It's because Cam knows, Derrick knows, what will happen if he tries.

Derrick has to know by now.

Because if he doesn't then Cam's right.

Derrick is an idiot.

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><p><em>And when she breaks down and lets you down<br>I hope you know that she doesn't mean to_

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><p>Their date was for Friday at seven, they were supposed to get dinner then see a movie. Derrick waited for two hours at the restaurant restlessly wondering.<p>

Massie was lying in bed with Cam tracing circles on his bare chest and kissing the underside of his wrist. Wrapping one arm around her, he tells her stories of Peter Pan and Tinkerbell and how they never had to grow up. And how Wendy was only a passing phase a bit of fun.

The toothy smile she gives him is so child like, he almost wants to say to her that Derrick is like her Wendy, and she's the kid that refused to get older, and that he doesn't mind being a sparkly fairy for her. But he doesn't because Cam knows saying those world will only hurt the amber eyes girl who's a delicate as cracking china. So her kisses her softly, gently, and full of emotion to say what he can't with words. And the glimmer in her eyes tells him she knows just what he's thinking.

All thoughts about her parents fight that night out of their minds.

Cam wants to explain to Derrick that this is the way things are. And that it's best to just give up or take what he can get. Because she doesn't mean to let others down, but so many things drive her to the edge, like her parents screaming matches and the only one to calm her down is Cam. That at those moments she needs him and him alone, and the rest of the world be damn.

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><p><em>Swing into flight<br>Over hills.  
>Over her hills, it's twilight<br>I guess that's right now  
>While we're here<em>

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><p>Chestnut curls are spread out, while bright eyes search the heavens for constellations. Cam lays next to her, elbow to elbow. And they find one cluster after another. Painting pictures in the skies with their imagination. Closing his own eyes, he locks this moment away with all the other ones. All the memories of him and Massie that he keeps close to his heart. And he knows she's taking picture in her mind of the two of them like she always does, so that later on with a paint brush in hand she can put them down to canvas.<p>

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><p><em>Tell me why it's so funny<br>That you're so funny  
>When you're mad<br>Always so mad. So mad_

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><p>Derrick catches them together in Massie room, clinging to each other's bodies but still clothed, when he comes to pick her up for a date. He gentle tells her to go wait for him in the car, and when she leaves turns to Cam and stares at his right cheek. Last time this happen she had taken a need to kissing his bruise whenever they were alone together. Placing slight pecks of the lips and butterfly kisses as they laid beside each other.<p>

Now Derrick looked furious at Cam, his face red and his arms shaking. It was humorous in the most comical of ways. Derrick seemed to always be mad. Massie claimed it was only when Cam was around. Musing at the thought, Cam figured she must be right. Massie made motion to go outside the door, but he knew she'd be waiting this time just behind it to hear the conversation.

Harrington turned ready to bark threats and insults but before he can Cam laughs. He wasn't sure what he was laughing about. How funny Derrick was. How ironic this was. They way Derrick felt like Cam was secretly plotting to get Massie, when both him and the amber eyed beauty knew he already had her.

This time when Derrick raised his fist, the door opened and Massie's head popped in.

"Derrick, I'm cold," She says softly and that's all it take for the would be fighting attitude in the broad guy to disappear and slump down as he marches out and pulls her along by the wrist, albeit gently.

Cam doesn't stop laughing till they're long gone and the laughter turns to tears. Slipping back under her covers, he closes his eyes to rest until she comes back to him in a few hours like he knows she will.

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><p><em>And that's why I'm wondering why<br>You had to tell me  
>What's going on in your head<br>What's wrong  
>Come around to another time when you<br>Don't have to run_

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><p>Cam doesn't understand why Derrick has this need to always share what's on his mind about Cam and Massie's friendship. He doesn't want to hear what Harrington thinks, because it only makes things harder. Derrick seems to think he's actually in love with Massie.<p>

Cam knows better. No one could love Massie except for him, no one could know her the way he does. The two are so twisted that only they could ever care for one another. And even if by some miracle someone else could possibly love her, they'd never love the girl the way Cam did.

When he thinks of Massie he thinks of the purest white of the snow that she hates so much. The holy virginal color, even though he knows she's not one, and in fact nothing but a fallen angel. Snow white but tainted with spatters of red and drips of dark blue and swirls of gold like sunshine. And most importantly he seems bits of black, the dark onyx that he and she agrees is his true color. They believe in true colors, the one color that symbolizes a person. Massie's is white stained with color. Cam's is onyx. And Todd's was red.

When Cam asks what Derrick's is innocently one day Massie responds by telling him it's orange. A little bit of the golden hue of sunshine and happy times and a lot of red anger and fiery temper. And most of all there's some of Todd's red in him that she sees, and that's why Cam let's her fool around with the goalie. Because even though it kills him he can't take a little bit of Todd she sees away from her.

But Cam is still happy he has never seen orange in the white that is Massie.

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><p>Cam hears her cries the way no one else can. He feels her heartbeat and it's like he knows what she's trying to say. He can kiss her temple and steal all her anger and pain and fear away bit by bit. He takes the guilt, the desperation, and all the other dark emotions she shouldn't have to deal with. He takes the cold. Thaws the ice around her heart time after time, and gives her the warmth that she could only get with him.<p>

She will always call Cam at three in the morning, she'll always slip quietly into his bed or request him in her own sheets and just cling like a lost child, she's never going to stop needing him.

Cam will always want her, need her, have to be with her. There's not doubt in their minds this is forever. He almost drowned once when he was younger a little after the accident. Massie had just learned CPR and brought him back after his pulse had stopped for just the quickest moment. It was then, after the miracle, they agreed that the world had this unsigned contract with them that Cam was not allowed to die until Massie did. That the universe would not, could not, steal Cam too.

Every time Cam catches her standing on the edge of her roof or staring at a bottle of pills he starts tossing things around. And every time he saw the slightest hint of a scar on her inner thigh her glared at her with burning intensity and anger. He strings out curse words and his eyes look so wildly angry before he kisses her savagely and full of passion until both their lips of bleeding.

To him it didn't matter that it was so obvious she had depression and probably some other mental health issue. She was Massie, and she knew the rules. No one gets left behind, not anyone.

He'll kiss her almost senselessly until they couldn't breath before pulling away and looking her right in the eye.

"You are not allowed to leave me alone. For the love of god Massie, don't you ever dare. Because if you do Todd will hate you, you know he will and I'll hate you in afterlife too. Promise you won't leave me."

It's always the same words, the same order. And she always kisses him back with even more desperation whispering _I love you_'s over and over as tears run down their cheeks.

She'll always promise because she could never hurt Cam like that. Not when the pain of being left behind is what drives her to feel so crazy.

There's a part of her that knows she'll always pick Cam. It makes her want to die to know she's picking life with Cam over Todd but she doesn't have it in her to leave Cam. Secretly she knows Cam would go with her if she asked, but the thought of him dieing for her makes her cry for reasons she can't understand. So she never suggests it.

Staring at the bottle of pills or looking down at the distance from the roof, she just waits. Up until that very moment she seems set on her decision to go, but then she'll freeze and wait. And she wants to die, she does so badly if it means not feeling so many emotions anymore, if it means seeing Todd. But then she'll see Cam's face and she always knows he'll come before she leaves. She never understands how he always finds her at those moments no matter what, another proof of their connection, but he does.

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><p><em>Well, I don't know we're going to<br>and I don't know what means to me  
>and you don't know what means to you<em>

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><p>Cam doesn't know what the current arrangements mean.<p>

Massie's been with many boys besides him over the years. But they're just playthings, like all the girls Cam goes through. No substance, no feelings, just relationships because they feel like it. Cam doesn't know why Massie needs to fool around with other boys. She never does more then kisses them and never actual cares for them. She just does, because Cam thinks, she feels the twisted need to hurt people and she's afraid if it's not other's it'll be him.

Cam kisses other girls and flirts with them because he needs something to do with himself for the moments he's not with Massie. But even though he knows she wouldn't stop him, he never goes farther with any other girl because what him and Massie have is scared and only allowed to be tainted by themselves.

Still, she takes to Derrick like she never has with any other boy. He knows it's because the goalie reminds her of Todd somehow but it still bothers Cam slightly. He doesn't believe in sharing, not when it comes to Massie. But he could never deny her what she wants either.

Cam doesn't know what this means for Derrick either. There's no doubt Massie only loves Cam, but the fact she has even stayed with Derrick so long is curious. He doubts she'll keep it up forever, at some point she'll drive him away. No one can handle Massie except Cam. But still, the Fisher boy feels a twinge of guilt at the fact Derrick never stood a chance and is too stupid to see it.

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><p><em>And she says she wants somebody else<br>I hope you know  
>She doesn't mean you<em>

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><p>Whenever asked Massie always says she her purpose in life is to save someone. Derrick once made a flirty joke at her about how she saved his soul from going to hell because he'd been a bit of a playboy before they'd gotten together. It was English class when it happened. She gave a smile that didn't reach her eyes. Cam simply her nod when Derrick wasn't looking.<p>

They'd talked about this before. Massie told Cam that the two of them were placed on the Earth to save each other. Cam's always believed her. But it's not something they go around telling others, it's another one of the things meant only for them.

Derrick's such a fool for not realizing what she meant.

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><p><em>And when she breaks down and<br>makes a sound  
>You'll never hear her the way that I do<em>

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><p>She throws fits some nights. Crying, screaming, scary fits where she's seeing a nightmare in her head that doesn't exist. She'll shiver and sweat and cry and trash around violently looking ready to hurt herself if Cam isn't there to hold her down against the ground or bed. Even then with wild curls, wide amber eyes, and ragged breaths Cam loves her.<p>

Derrick's never been able to handle them.

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><p>Cam's holding her close against his bare body kissing the side of her neck. The sheets around them are as dirty and tainted at themselves and the cold air is making her shiver. Keeping her arms her pulls her closer so there's no distance between them. This is the way things are meant to be. It's Cam and Massie. Massie and Cam. It's them lost in their own world with nothing but their love to be sure of.<p>

Because the rest of the world be damned.

They're in love in the way only two marred souls can be.

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><p>.<p> 


End file.
